Healing From Domestic and Sexual Abuse

Mind Games are deliberate attempts to psychologically manipulate someone. They are covert, coercive, manipulative intentions masked by innocent sounding communication. Mind Game language is designed to confuse and keep the victim from guessing the perpetrator’s true aim.

Some of the Mind Games men use to psychologically confuse female partners include blocking her from clarifying his mixed messages, questioning all her judgments, and manipulating her by responding with lies. Mind Games are an attempt to indoctrinate someone into believing they are the guilty party and their viewpoints are irrelevant or pathetic, and need to be realigned to the viewpoint of the perpetrator.

Mind Games are especially powerful when the victim totally trusts the perpetrator and believes both their roles in the relationship are well defined and socially ‘normal’.

Mind Games entail brainwashing
Confusion and crazy-making
Guilt trips
Questions all her judgments
Manipulates with lies
If she withdraws he punishes her, if she reaches out he rejects her
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t
Behaves differently when people visit
Mind Games are abuse
Mind Games are a warning sign that you are being abused and controlled
Compassionate View

Mind Games entail brainwashing – a notion that we usually associate with cults or terrorist hostage tactics. But, the truth is, brainwashing is happening in your neighbourhood right now. Ordinary men brainwash their partners when they say one thing and do another. For example when a man lectures her about his life philosophy of caring for others, but only enacts such caring towards others outside the family – not her. They brainwash their partner when they appeal to her instinct and desire to care for him by saying, “If you really love me you’d do what I want”. This gets confusing when you love and trust your partner. But he is slowly – one tactic at a time – oppressing and controlling. It’s insidious – and it can take years to see, and to realise this is a pattern.

Women’s efforts to make sense of mixed messages are often blocked by their partners which is incredibly stressful, anxiety-provoking and can lead some women to experience disrupted sleeps, and illness – physical, psychological and spiritual. Brainwashing, guilt trips and confusion lead to exhaustion, which can make women more susceptible to believing some of the denigrating and manipulative language their partners use against them. Some women are led to identify more and more with the abuser, whilst others are able to maintain morsels of a sense of themselves – of their own thoughts and beliefs.

Women I interviewed for my Masters research, and women I work with in counselling, talk about experiences of emotional blackmail, manipulation, guilt, feeling fearful and feeling mind-numbingly-crazy.

Confusion and crazy-making

Elizabeth said that because she could not “prove that stuff” that her ex-husband did and said to her that now – years later – she still has “this thing, about whether people believe me”.

Victoria said, “The Mind Games leave you in doubt as to whether or not you’re actually being abused … you’re not quite sure anymore and they really start to cloud your judgment. Whereas if somebody hits you, you know you’ve been hit. The psychological abuse has made me pessimistic, untrusting, vulnerable and very strong now I’m at the other end of it. Also I feel there’s this big hole, this big deep cavern that will always be there that I have to work my damndest to walk around and never to fall back into because I know it’s always there because the behaviours have been so well learnt over the years.”

Pauline said, “I had a friend who I used to call a lot on the phone … I was so confused and I needed to talk to somebody to hear it out loud and to get some feedback. At one point I thought I was going quite crazy because he acted innocent. Like if I said, ‘What’s wrong?’ he acted like nothing’s wrong. He wouldn’t really say anything. So I’d think well maybe it’s me, it’s all my thinking, my perception.”

“And my friend who was calling lives in another town and it’s ages later when she was next at our place. And he was home on shift, outside working so I called him for lunch. We’d be sitting down to lunch and he wouldn’t come in. My friend [had previously] thought my husband was an absolute angel, she went to school with him, and she said to me, ‘All these months you talked to me on the phone about what he’s been like, I didn’t think you were lying, but I couldn’t see that’s how he would be, because that’s not him.’ But, she said, ‘Now I’m here today, I can see this is for real, it’s happening’.”

Guilt trips

The combination of tactics some men use to control their female partners lead many women to forgo and lose interests and wants of their own. To survive in the relationship many women continue doing only those things that keep the peace.

Victoria said, “I felt guilty about going onto the nursing course. I didn’t feel guilty at the beginning coz I thought it would be good. But then the more I did it, he’d start to do reactive behaviours like, he’d drop me off at work and then he’d go cruising the main street of the city we lived in. Then I felt guilty that maybe I’d pushed him too much or that I’d offended him, or that I’d damaged his ego because I was moving on and he wasn’t moving on. That was where the guilt came in, that I was making him feel less of a man and I must stop that.”

Questions all her judgments

Teresa said her partner often questioned her judgments about friends: “If I talked about something a friend was doing or had said or some problem that a friend had, if I was talking about it sympathetically he would try and turn it around so I wasn’t sympathetic and say “No, it’s probably this or probably that” and point out negative things about people that I liked to change my judgment of them and so I wouldn’t like them as much.”

Luckily, Teresa didn’t take any notice of what he said about her best friend. Instead she, “considered the things he said and then mentally dismissed them”.

But when he said things about other people Teresa, “would think Oh, I hadn’t thought of that, oh yes he’s probably right. He would also tell me that people had said things about me. People at work, that they had said that I was this, that I was that., horrible things, which I believed and I don’t know whether they had said them or not. I think that he probably twisted a lot of things like that and I believed him, so that would change my judgment.”

Manipulates with lies

Heather said her partner scared her, “how he would fabricate the truth all the time. I never knew what was truthful and what wasn’t. He told people, “I laid all those tiles,” but I’d seen with my own eyes that he hadn’t laid those tiles, I saw the tile man doing it. I said, “Look Luke you didn’t actually do those tiles.” He said, “I did.” I said, “You did a little bit over there where the man showed you coz you wanted to cut a tile. That’s lying.”

If she withdraws he punishes her, if she reaches out he rejects her

Sally said “my husband initiated sex 99% of the time.  He would insist that part of the problem we had sexually was that I didn’t initiate.  So occasionally I would initiate sex … and every time I initiated sex he just wasn’t himself, he just became kind of angry, kind of a hatred on his face … I don’t remember his words but they were something like how dare you initiate sex at this time, I am busy, I’m working, yet generally he was not busy or working.  I was so confused … one day it dawned on me.  I thought he doesn’t want me to initiate sex, but that’s not the issue.  He just wants to be in full control, no matter what.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Victoria said she was not allowed to be independent, nor was she allowed to be dependent. If she didn’t agree with Graham, he would manipulate and twist things to make her doubt herself. She was not allowed to express feelings and, if she did, he said she was either overreacting or misinterpreting.

Behaves differently when people visit

Women share stories about ways their partners don’t carry out household, personal or parental responsibilities, but suddenly when visitors come to the house, their partner starts performing his responsibilities. Raewyn said that if she “wanted a break from the children he was either uncooperative or refused saying that she did nothing anyway. He sulked if he did not get his own way [yet] when friends came over he would suddenly start being a father.” Sally said that Dylan would often not work, but would “appear to be busy when visitors or guests came to stay”. Donna’s husband had trouble putting on his own boots, but she said that “one day Frank’s family were visiting and he bent down and put his own boots on and off in front of them.” Donna was devastated that she had been so used because she did not know he could manage himself.

Charming in public and abusive in private

Teresa said others told her she was misinterpreting things because Patrick was so charming to his colleagues. Elizabeth said her husband, David was charming in public but at home he stomped on Elizabeth’s budding creativity. Heather said that she’s still having trouble coming to grips with her own experience of abuse and control in private and his public utterance of words of love. She was further confused because of other people liking him and validating him.

Mind Games are abuse

Mind Games should not be taken lightly – they are abusive and they are controlling. Patrick attempted to impair Teresa’s judgments by hiding things and suggesting that she was going insane when she could not find them. Victoria said she had no name for her husband’s behaviours when she was in the midst of experiencing his power and control tactics. She said, “I didn’t really consider it abuse until I was deeply entrenched in the marriage. I just thought he was manipulative and I thought he was moody. But in the initial stages I didn’t know I was being abused. I thought he was playing Mind Games with me, but I never considered Mind Games to be abuse. If I had been aware that there was such a thing, then I would have seen it as abuse earlier.”

Mind Games are a warning sign that you are being abused and controlled

If you believe your partner is playing Mind Games, then seek help. If you feel you are going crazy, then you may be in a relationship with a partner who is controlling you. You have the right to seek help and to seek support and validation from people who believe in your judgment about what you are experiencing.

The compassionate view

We live in a society where the notion of being a man is written in a social script that all too often is distorted and suppresses a man’s natural humanity. Acts of dominance hide vulnerabilities and emotions, which results in some men remaining unaware of their underlying needs for love and care. In the distorted society myth it’s not regarded as manly to show feelings. Mind Games are part of this complex cover-up that hides the perpetrator’s real need and desire for human connection. Paradoxically, women often detect such insecurities in their partners whom they love, which can get in the way of women being able to name Mind Games as ABUSE. Until, and unless, the perpetrator is helped to develop empathy and a compassionate view, the victim must acknowledge there is harm being done and need to protect themselves from further harm.


Murphy, Clare (2002) Women Coping with Psychological Abuse: Surviving in the Secret World of Male Partner Power and Control. Unpublished Masters thesis, University of Waikato, New Zealand.

Some People Just Won’t Appreciate You Until You’re No Longer Around

Knowing When It's Time To Leave

Some People Just Won’t Appreciate You Until You’re No Longer Around
~Timmy Parker~
Some people just won’t appreciate you until you’re no longer around. Sometimes people can’t see what they have; they only see what’s missing. They can’t even see that they have a preoccupation with recognizing what’s absent; it’s simply in their nature to do it. You can give and they’ll usually take, maybe you’ll even get a “thank you,” but at the end of the day there’ll be a desire for more. You give a hand, they want an arm. You give a day’s time, they want a week. You give the earth, they want the entire galaxy, and you wonder if you’ll ever do enough. If you’ll ever be enough. You know deep down you won’t, but you’ll continue to try, because maybe eventually they’ll see what they have.

When you look out, you see a large yard with potential to be the greenest, healthiest, most beautiful lawn in existence if cared for. You feel excited but when you try to show it to them, the look of disappointment worn on their face quickly brings your emotional high down. The anticlimactic unimpressed look in their eyes crushes your soul — how can they not see what you see? You begin planting a garden on the side, mowing and watering the grass, doing your best to make your vision of a picturesque, utopic lawn come true, because maybe then they’ll start to see what you see. Maybe then they’ll see what they have.

Sometimes people won’t see what they have. They see what others have and want that. They see others’ filtered pictures in high definition, under a fancy tint and they want that moment of stunning beauty that was captured in a still shot, but they want it every second of every single day. If you can’t give it to them then they’ll find it elsewhere because if it were meant to be, you’d provide them with what they want and you’d do it immediately, with minimal error.

Sometimes people can’t see what they have. Maybe they’re overlooking, or ungrateful, or need glasses in the form of a wakeup call. Sometimes people can’t see what they have until it’s gone, and unfortunately that means you won’t be appreciated until your efforts cease to exist. What you’ve given must be taken away, or at the very least the supply of affection must be cutoff. Sometimes there’s no other way. You’ll be an artist who wasn’t cherished until after their death, or the luxury of running water, amenity unrecognized until non-existent. Sometimes people can’t see what they have, and it’s simply impossible for you to show them before it’s too late, because ‘too late’ gives everyone 20/20 vision.
Full Article Here

A Letter To Abused Women

You Can Recover Too

A Letter To Abused Women
You Can Recover Too


EDITOR’S NOTE: To protect the Nova Scotia author’s safety and privacy, we have agreed to withhold her name.

I am writing this letter because I have heard two stories in the past week that have reminded me that you are out there and that you need support.

A few days ago, my mother-in-law called for advice because a friend of a friend was preparing to leave her abusive husband. The woman didn’t know how to leave safely with the things she needed for herself and her two young daughters and needed information about the transition house and the possibility of a police escort.

Then one day recently, my teenage daughter came home after volunteering in a Grade 2 classroom at her school. A little girl showed my daughter a new teddy the paramedics had given her the night before. The seven-year-old had called 911 because her mother’s fiancé was choking her mother and she couldn’t breathe.

Although my daughter was far too young to remember it, we were once in a similar situation.

More Letters to Abused Women


Understanding the ancient Hawaiian practice of Forgiveness

Ho'oponopono can help restore harmony within, and with others

Understanding the ancient Hawaiian practice of Forgiveness
~Jonathan Davis~

When I first encountered the practice known as Ho’oponopono, it was in an interview with Haleaka Hew Len PhD, a Hawaiian psychologist and shamanic practitioner. I took on the simple yet profound forgiveness practice and found immediate benefits in my personal life.

Ho’oponopono: I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

What is ho’oponopono?

On the surface level, many people have understood ho’oponopono to be a mantra where one repeats the words ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you’ as a form of mental and spiritual cleaning that could be compared to buddhist techniques for clearing karma. It has been defined as a forgiveness and reconciliation practice, cleansing of ‘errors of thought’ – the origin of problems and sickness in the physical world, according the the Hawaiian worldview. The literal translation is ‘to put to right; to put in order or shape, correct, revise, adjust, amend, regulate, arrange, rectify, tidy up, make orderly or neat.”

The mantra at the heart of Ho'oponoponoThe mantra at the heart of Ho’oponopono

At first glance I found it hard to remember the order of the words or even discern if there was a specific order for them at all, so I tried them in every possible combination as well as repeating them on their own. I chanted them over and over in the hope of discovering whether they were useful in some way and if so, what was it about these words that made them helpful.

As I did so, I found that many questions arose, with different questions coming up depending on the order I said them. “Why should I be sorry? What do I have to be sorry for? What do I need forgiveness for, in this moment and in my life? What do I have to be grateful for? When I say ‘I love you’ am I really feeling it? If not, what is in the way?”. I worked with these words both to directly address something I was finding challenging, as well as just chanting them with no purpose in mind at all.

I found that by simply chanting these words that my inner discordance, my stuff, would come up. Not only would it come up, but it was as if my inner disharmony was being tuned to the frequency of these words and the intention they carry. Over time I found these four simple concepts acted like tuning forks, each carrying a different tone of purity that I could use to tune the disharmonious parts of myself. Best of all, I found that applying this chant to the chaos of my mind brought about stillness and calm.

The only problem with human beings is that they are arrogant, because that’s what thinking is. This is in essence ‘I know’. Wisdom is being in the void. To be thoughtless. Only by being in the void can the Light come through. As long as I have something going on in my mind the Light can’t come through. The Light can only come in when the mind is cleared – in a state of silence. – Dr Hew Len, Shamanic Wisdomkeepers

Forgiveness in bodyForgiveness has the power to bring harmony within and with others

Why is Ho’oponopono powerful?

Throughout human history we have been divided by distance, language, cultural and religious beliefs, class and economic hierarchy. Whenever someone comes up with a perspective there seems to always be someone else there with an opposing opinion. To me the power of Ho’oponopono comes, in large part, from the fact that it’s a really rare thing for the vast majority of humanity to be in agreement about anything.

Across all cultures practically all of us agree that the concepts of thank you, I’m sorry, please forgive me and I love you are all valuable and important. If there is such thing as a collective consciousness, as Jung and many eastern traditions have suggested, then the basis of the power of Ho’oponopono may come from the sheer volume of people throughout human history who have agreed that these concepts are valuable, important and useful to humanity. In this way, Ho’oponopono may be tapping into a level of awareness that extends far beyond its Hawaiian roots into perhaps every culture that has ever existed on Earth.

In common with other shamanic traditions, the Hawaiian tradition teaches that all life is connected.  Ho’oponopono is, therefore, not only a way of healing ourselves, but others and our world as well.
– Timothy Freke, Shamanic Wisdomkeepers

Can Ho’oponopono affect more than our internal world?

At the core of Dr Hew Len’s perspective is the idea of taking responsibility for more than your personal self because ‘you are in me and I am in you’. His way of expressing Ho’oponopono contains an awareness that the discordance we find in others and in the world outside ourselves is due to ‘errors’ in thought stored in our personal and collective memories. The belief in these errors existing in some form of collective memory accessible to all allows for a person practicing Ho’oponopono to clean these errors, whether the error originated in their personal thoughts or not.

I don’t see myself as a kahuna, I see myself as a garbage collector.  I’m only here to be responsible and it’s often very hard to do that. – Dr Hew Len, Shamanic Wisdomkeepers

Forgiveness in thoughtsThe power to change the world around us

The paradox here is that he is advocating development of personal power to change the situation around us through increasing personal responsibility, which involves a willingness to take on responsibility for cleaning discordance that was not created by oneself, i.e doing other people’s inner work for them (which doesn’t seem like the other taking personal responsibility for them self). As usual, the paradox is resolved with the awareness that separation consciousness is not the only reality and an underlying unity also co-exists, after all: ‘you are in me and I am in you’. This is where ho’oponopono truly steps into being a shamanic practice, where the reality not only within but around the practitioner can apparently be adjusted.

No one wanted the job I did with the criminally insane. They were averaging about one psychologist a month. But I got asked. We had about 25-30 people. Half of them would be in shackles at the ankles or the wrists because they were dangerous. They could either kick you or slam you. Everyone would walk with their back toward the wall so that they wouldn’t get struck. They had no family visits. No one could leave the building. A year and a half later there was none of that. There were people going out on bus rides. Nobody in shackles. The level of medication dropped. What did I do?  I worked on myself. I took 100% responsibility. – Dr Hew Len, Shamanic Wisdomkeepers

While the rational part of me would still like verification that this story really happened, it evoked enough curiosity in me to get me to try the technique and find out for myself if might be helpful to my life.

Ho’oponopono as a family therapy practice.

For people living in Hawaii today Ho’oponopono is less about it being a personal shamanic practice through chanting a mantra internally or externally, and more about a traditional system of dispute resolution. It’s a practice that still holds the values of making things right and correcting errors, however in this incarnation it is focused on making things right with our relations; coming back into right relationship by correcting errors with living relatives, ancestors and deities.

Ho'oponopono as a family therapy practiceHo’oponopono as a family therapy practice

Today Ho’oponopono is just like family therapy. This has been really influenced by the Christians. But I’m talking about the real Ho’oponopono from before they came. [Back] then the Hawaiians didn’t need to talk anymore. They could go straight to the Light. This is very ancient. It goes back to the start, because that’s where Hawaiians came from. – Dr Hew Len, Shamanic Wisdomkeepers

The ritual for group reconciliation itself involves an elder in the family convening the process, or if this isn’t possible an elder from the wider community. The ideal situation is for the ritual to be conducted by praying priest (kahuna pule) or healing priest (kahuna lapaʻau) particularly if illness was involved.

The process begins with prayer. A statement of the problem is made, and the transgression discussed. Family members are expected to work problems through and cooperate, not “hold fast to the fault”. One or more periods of silence may be taken for reflection on the entanglement of emotions and injuries. Everyone’s feelings are acknowledged. Then confession, repentance and forgiveness take place. Everyone releases (kala) each other, letting go. They cut off the past (ʻoki), and together they close the event with a ceremonial feast, called pani, which often included eating limu kala or kala seaweed, symbolic of the release. – Nana I Ke Kumu (Look To The Source) by Mary K. Pukui, E.W Haertig, Catharine Lee.

reconciliation in the familCreating space for confession, repentance and forgiveness to take place

Testing The True Power Of Ho’oponopono

Like many spiritual practices, such as meditation, it’s not the practice you do while you’re in the crisis, it’s the practice you do on a regular basis between the crisis that makes it effective when the storm hits. A couple of years ago I was at a spiritual retreat where the practice I was engaged in triggered what I would now describe as a state of spiritual emergency. I use this term in the context that Stan Grof and other transpersonal psychologists might use it, as an alternative way of describing what others might call psychosis.

I was in a mindset where I felt emotionally and spiritually assaulted, and was by far feeling more threatened than I had ever experienced in my life. Upon the realisation that no-one was coming to help me, I knew that it was up to me to deal with the situation. I sat down on the spot and went into meditation. Out of the many chants and tools I have learned over the years, it was Ho’oponopono that came to me as the solution to my situation.

Within moments of implementing the practice the feeling of all out assault on my consciousness cleared as easily as the smell of burnt toast when one opens the windows on a day with a fresh breeze. When I was found I was meditating quietly in a state of peace and gentleness and the challenge of a potentially full blown psychotic episode had dissolved and has not since returned. I share this not to state what will definitely happen to others who choose to use this practice, but to simply illustrate what may be possible.

Article Taken From This Link
By Jonathan Davis on Friday December 11th, 2015

Bus Driver Tests Positive for Cocaine after Drinking Herbal Tea

Too Much Pep in His Step


Bus Driver Tests Positive for Cocaine after Drinking Herbal Tea

A herbal tea containing the leaves used to make cocaine has been on sale in Italy shops for years, it has emerged.

The discovery was made after a 38-year old bus driver from Genoa tested positive for cocaine after drinking the tea.

The driver, referred to only as Roberto, protested his innocence and argued the only way he could have failed the routine drugs test was because he had a cup of “delisse alla coca” tea the day before, The Local reported.
Read more

His doctor asked him to bring the tea bags to his office, after the bus driver claimed the drink made him feel more alert at the wheel.

After drinking a cup, the doctor tested himself and also tested positive for cocaine, according to La Repubblica.

Authorities were informed and investigated the shop which sold the product. Officers found the owner had all relevant documentation and had been legally buying the tea bags from a Milan-based Peruvian wholesaler.

Police have been ordered to seize the herbal tea after testing the teabags themselves and confirming it contained small quantities of coca leaves, although not actually processed cocaine.

In Peru, coca-based teas have been enjoyed for thousands of years.


In Peru, cocaine-based teas have been enjoyed for thousands of years Ruta and Zinas/Flickr


Shehab Khan @ http://www.independent.co.uk

Full Article Available at this link

Brain Imaging Predicts Relapse to Cocaine

More about your brain

Brain Imaging Predicts Relapse to Cocaine

September 14, 2015

Brain scans showing the left middle frontal gyrus and the left striatum

People who are addicted to cocaine focus obsessively on obtaining and using the drug, neglecting normal goals and satisfactions. Researchers have linked this lost motivation for non-drug pursuits to reduced activity in brain areas that evaluate the results of our actions and determine whether the actions are worth repeating. Now, a NIDA-supported study has found that a cocaine-addicted person’s chance of managing 1 whole year of abstinence correlates with activity levels in these impaired motivational and decision-making brain areas.

The study’s findings suggest that more severe cocaine-induced impairment in these brain areas makes people more susceptible to relapse after treatment for cocaine addiction. As a result, functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) of these brain areas might be a useful tool for assessing patients’ treatment needs and tracking their progress in recovery.

An Easy Game

Dr. Jennifer Stewart, Dr. Martin Paulus, and colleagues at the University of California, San Diego performed fMRI on 30 patients who were starting treatment for cocaine addiction. The scans recorded activity in three brain areas while the patients played a computerized version of the game Paper-Scissors-Rock (P-S-R).

The scans recorded activity in areas that studies have shown to be weakened in cocaine addiction: the insula, striatum, and prefrontal cortex (PFC). Together, these areas learn to associate actions with good or bad experiences that follow, identify opportunities to repeat the actions and re-experience those outcomes, and weigh the opportunities against the risks of going ahead.

To test the vitality of the three brain areas, the researchers modified the traditional P-S-R game to engage these functions (see Figure 1). Each patient played 120 rounds of the game in six 20-round blocks. The computer was programmed to be rather predictable and make the same play—paper, scissors, or rock—90 percent of the time in each block. Thus, patients should be able to readily pick up on the computer’s pattern and, once they did, win 9 rounds out of 10 by making the correct counter-play. The researchers awarded $1 for each round won against the computer and subtracted $1 for each round lost.

The researchers also asked the patients how badly they wanted to win. A year later, they re-contacted all 30 patients and learned who had relapsed in the interim and who had not.

Stewart, J.; Connolly, C.; May, A. et al. Cocaine dependent individuals with attenuated striatal activation during reinforcement learning are more susceptible to relapse. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 2014. Full text

Full Article can be read at the link below …

Cocaine Relapse Predicted

The New Awakened Sobriety

Finding Freedom with the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

 The Nature of Alcoholismalcoholism-treatment-guide

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol
that our lives had become unmanageable”

Step One

Alcoholism is a disease. The alcoholic seems to have some genetic predisposition to drink. There are many texts and books on the medical description of alcoholism and treatment protocols. Our own experience of the effects of long drinking has shown us that “the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. As part of our service work in AA., we often assist the suffering alcoholic in obtaining hospitalization and treatment. Our literature recognizes alcoholism to be “a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. While initial hospitalization and rehabilitation for detoxification is important for the suffering alcoholic, the ultimate solution to the alcohol problem worked out in the experience of recovering alcoholics in AA. is not found in hospitalization, treatments or physical cures. It is found “on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane.”

Much has been written about the development of craving and the obsession to drink that so occupies the mind of the real alcoholic, driving her to yet another spree. It is with this obsession that the AA. recovery program begins. Hospitalization and medical treatment may often be required to stabilize the active alcoholic, relieve his physical suffering and dear his mind. But it is the obsession that leads this person back to the bar upon discharge from the hospital. And it is this obsession that becomes the focus of the spiritual solution. Our entire program of recovery comes into sharp focus at the point of the alcoholic’s obsession to drink. “AA.’s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole.Awakened Sobriety

When I first came into recovery, I wanted to know why I drank the way I did. But when I asked people, I was told that I drank that way because I was an alcoholic. “Look, Gregg, it’s your nature as an alcoholic to drink. Fish swim in water; you swim in a sea of alcohol.” This answer satisfied me for some months while I sobered up and dried out, but left me wondering afterwards. There was yet another, deeper, level to the question. If I drank because I had a disease with an obsession to drink, then why did I continue to drink after I understood my condition? Now that I had stopped, why would I ever start again? And yet that is the very tragic condition of the alcoholic. Knowing her condition, “the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.

Buy the book “The New Awakened Sobriety” by Clicking Here!

Love and Service



Love and Service

“We want what we want when we want it” leads to restlessness, irritability
and discontent A big shot who is greedy never rests, whereas one who sobers up
has no more big deals and lives in a world of peace. An un-mortified person is
quickly tempted, plagued with issues and prone to leapfrog over mouse turds and
major in minors. That person is weak, carnal and inclined to sensual things. They
are prey to their instinct-gratification. The thought of giving them up is frightening
and they lash out with justifications in anger, mostly against “them people.” The
issues-laden victim litany is often heard. Yet, if they give in to their passions.
remorse of conscience overwhelms thern as they fail to satisfy the hole in the belly
with the wind blowing through it…it does not lead to the peace they sought.

True peace of heart is found in “avoiding beginnings” by resisting
Passions, not in satisfying them. There is no peace in the carnal person, in the one
given to vain attractions, but there is genuine peace and joy in the fervent and
spiritual person.

1 Is your venture of belief on cruise-control?
2 Have you sobered up to better indulge your instincts or serve your fellows?
3 Are you giving in to your passions?

RESOLVED: Just for today, practice mortification by simply allowing things to be
as they are.

Get The Book “Love and Service” by Dave M by Clicking here!

Self Acceptance And Self Improvement

This Imperfect Journey

(From the forthcoming book LOVE IS A CHOICE, by Robert Elias Najemy)


The first grader

Perhaps the example of children in grade school will help us to understand this. These children in the first grade do not reject themselves because they are not in a higher grade, or because they do not know as much, or are not as capable as those children in the higher grades. They accept themselves as they are, and are happy with themselves with their present level of abilities and knowledge.

Yet, no child would accept remaining in the same grade the next year or year after year.

In the same way, there is no conflict between accepting and feeling comfortable with our temporarily limited abilities and lower level of conscious and our need to continue growing. It is natural to accept and love ourselves at his present stage of growth while we simultaneously attend to learning, evolving and improving ourselves.

Growth is a natural instinctual need. Scientists have discovered that when a person learns something new, this creates the excretion of endorphins and other positively reinforcing chemicals in the brain. Natural learning brings pleasure, when it is not connected to fear of rejection and failure.

Other motives for action and growth are love and creativity. We need to love and to create, just as we need to sleep and eat. These are basic needs, even if they are more sophisticated or higher-order needs than the physical needs of sleeping and eating.

Two broken legs

If we know someone who has two broken legs and is unable to carry out his or her responsibilities or be very productive or creative, we automatically understand that they cannot do more than what they are doing, because they have two broken legs.

What we fail to understand is that many of people who we perceive as lazy, irresponsible or negative and even immoral have in fact two of their “emotional legs” broken. They have seriously impaired emotional legs of inner security and feelings of self-worth.

Their insecurity and feelings of self-doubt cause them to behave in negative ways. We, too, might be such persons who have had their inner strength handicapped by negative life experiences. Self-acceptance does not mean that we fail to recognize and admit our mistakes. It simply means that we realize that we are worthy of love even though we are not perfect and have much to improve. The same is true of others, they too are worthy of our love even thought they make mistakes and need to improve themselves.

Half-finished paintings

An incomplete painting is not yet in its perfected form. It is in the process of being perfected, of being completed. We know and accept that it is not completed, not perfect and that it can be and will be much more than it presently is. We do not reject the painting because it is not yet what it will be. We do not say that it is wrong or unacceptable. We simply perceive it as incomplete and we attend to the process of completing it.

Let us then imagine that our and others’ personalities are half-finished paintings. Let us perceive the general state of the society and world around as a painting in progress.

We can see there are many weaknesses, faults and aspects to be improved in those paintings. But they are what they can and should be for their present incomplete state. A painting must pass through a series of stages until it is finally completed. Each of these stages is a perfect part of that process of completion. No stage could be skipped or avoided.

You and I and all around us are “perfect” at every stage of that process of completion. Even our imperfections are a perfect temporary part of our movement towards perfection.

When we perceive ourselves and others as unfinished paintings, we will have patience and understanding for our common weaknesses and faults. We will perceive them as parts of our being that need to be worked on in the process of manifesting our perfect being. All others are equally in a process of perfecting their unfinished paintings.

The bud and the flower

A flower bud does not yet manifest its latent beauty. Yet we do not reject, criticize or condemn it. We realize that it is in a process of maturing and that it is what it needs to be now in order to become the flower which it is destined to be. We accept it is as it is and wait patiently for its blossoming.

In the same way, we need to perceive ourselves and others as:

1. Paintings in the process of completing ourselves.

2. Buds becoming flowers

3. Souls in the process of evolution.

We all deserve love and respect exactly as we are. Our life purpose, however, is to attend to the process of evolution and self-perfection until we blossom into the magnificent and totally conscientious and loving beings that we are destined to be.

A Whisper In The Wind

G*d could and would if He is Sought

A Whisper In The Wind

A homeless man with a gentle voice, sleeps under a bridge for he has no choice. An intelligent man and a father of three, has lost all he had, now lives on the streets.

He’s 30 years old yet looks 56, the affect of drug addiction, alcohol and cigarettes. A promise he made them, but did not keep, he thinks of his kids as softly he weeps.

The life, and the love, and the home that he once shared, the money and cars, have all disappeared. Now all that he has are these merciless streets, is his very last thought as he drifts off to sleep..

Awakened by the smell of bacon and eggs, he opens his eyes and straightens his legs. Daybreak has come, a new dawn is here, but his very first thought is “I need a beer.”

His back is stiff and hurting, and his legs they are sore, and although he has no money, he heads to the store. He approaches a man and asks him for help, but an angry “Get lost!” is all that he hears.

He lowers his head and as he walks away.. came a compassionate voice, and he hears it say “I was about to go inside and buy candy in the store, but you can have my dollar because you need it more.”

His hand reaches out but then quickly retracts, taking money from a child, he just couldn’t do that. With flashbacks of his life it became suddenly clear, the drugs and the drinking are the reason that he is here.

Falling down to his knees he looks up to the sky, begs GOD for forgiveness, and awaits HIS reply. Tears stream down his face as he prays and he cries, then came a whisper from The LORD, “I forgive you child my child, rise.” “All is forgiven so rise to you feet, now do well by others and keep faith in ME.” “Live life by MY word and give credence to peace, and your soul will have life everlasting with ME.”

-Author Eric F. Williams (Smiles and Cries)

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