Where Are You
An omnipotent, all knowing, all seeing G*d asked a mortal man in a garden of forever; (3:10) And the Lord God called Adam and said to him, Adam, where are you?
“Adam, Where are you”, as this mortal man tried to hide himself from The Almighty.
Often ‘knowing’ where we are requires the use of a map or device to guide us when we go off track.
The thing with maps, and other devices is this: they only work when actively used.
A map at night is useless without some form of light; and a GPS needs a clear view of the sky, and charged batteries to work. A navigator needs to see the position of the sun and the moon and some stars to work out his position.
So too with the Steps; and in particular Step 4.
Step 4 has been my personal road map of growth. It’s review let’s me know when I am off course; in unchartered lands or in known charted and documented dangerous waters.
When I use it that is…
Like the time 14 years ago when I found myself snuggly encased in a motor vehicle being driven to Slander Island by a driver hell bent on educating his captivate audience on the merits and shortcomings of one who was not present.
The driver, who had much more time than me, began to list, in an anonymous way, the character defects of ‘this tall slim Dr., with a large office on Block Y, and two beautiful young female progeny, with the fat wife, and a practice at hospital Z …
The driver never named the Dr. but I ‘knew’ who they were talking about.
Gossip and fallacious ruinous rumors were high on my 4th Step list back then, and still are when I care to get honest … So knowing who I was, ‘then’, made it easier for me to exit that darkened cave for the soothing light of reason at the next intersection.
That was 14 years ago.
Yesterday I spent 2 hours on a phone call whose stated purpose was to ‘educate’ me on the benign dictatorship of a member of one of the groups I attend.
Yesterday I listened attentively and greedily to every sordid detail of this persons infidelity, stumbling attempts at control, bad child rearing skills, and grab for more power than any human aught to have.
I love gossip. Especially when it’s flavored by my essential greatness and it’s pointed out how much ‘better’ than the accused I really am.
Then my map fell out of the hidden compartment nestled behind my heart, SPLAT! Opening to Step 4 where I read gossipy, power hungry, malicious, grandiose, irritable, restless and discontent.
(3:11) And he said to Him, I heard Your voice as You walked in the garden, and I feared because I was naked and I hid myself.
I was hidden behind my fig leave of self-delusion, haughtiness, and schandenfreude – the delight in another’s misfortune.
The prideful canopy of grand verdure above my head prevented me from seeing the night sky and getting my bearings.
The batteries for my GPS were uncharged and dead. I was lost.
It took a night of introspection for I have learned that the diligent practice of the 10th Step every day reinforces that character defects quickly became damned obvious on a daily basis.
Where are You my friend, in your Recovery process?
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
This step has absolutely no connection with step #4. Note, in step #4, it calls for a searching and fearless Moral inventory. This step calls for a personal inventory. This step is our daily check on ourselves.
At night, after you are in bed and the day is over; review your day and pray.
Think about your day, what you have done, who you were with and what has transpired. If you find something that you are not proud of apologize. Do not permit these things to go unattended.
It is not the so-called “big” things which seriously affect the alcoholic in their new life, but the “little” things.
Diligent practice of the 10th every day reinforces that character defects quickly became damned obvious on a daily basis.
Admitting a wrong is difficult
We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally.
That is the miracle of it.
We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense.